Week 13-Awakening

This past week has by far been the most difficult one of all the weeks in class.  I feel that I had let the anger and negativity win.

In scroll III Og states” Henceforth I recognize that each day I am tested by life in like manner.  If I persist, if I continue to try, if I continue to charge forward, I succeed.” This week, this held true.  Being tested daily by one of my children.  I would feel the anger and rage every time they entered the room.  Almost like the guard at the gatehouse was protecting me subby from the old blueprint.  I hated feeling this way, but as soon as the guard looked away the sword swung again.

Thank goodness for the webinar this week.  THANK You to Mark for helping me see things differently.  To remember to Love.  So after the webinar I decided enough of this crap.  I  sat  my son down  and asked what is going on.  Why do you feel that this is OK?  He explained that he was stressed about a number of things and that he was  sorry that he hurt me so much. BAM!!!!

My favorite line from Scroll II that I brought over was,”From this moment all hate has let my veins for I have not time to hate, only time to love.” This instantly came in my head as he spoke to me.

In Master Key in thirteen #15 writes”It will be found that the creative power of thought will explain every possible condition or experience, whether physical mental or spiritual. and #16 ” Thought will bring about conditions in correspondence with the predominant mental attitude. Therefore, if we fear disaster, as fear is a powerful form of thought disaster will be the certain result of our thinking. It is this form of thought which frequently sweeps away the result of many years of toil and effort.”

This is my old blueprint is me fighting again.  Trying to take over and kill my future.

These next two weeks I am digging in hard.  I am going into the New Year making a NEW ME!!!!!

I deserve to be happy.  I am whole, perfect, strong,powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.

So as we go into this wonderful holiday, I am going to be grateful for my family, friends, and this class. If something gets in my way, I am going to yell BEAR HUG KETTLE!!!!!  and remember what is most important.

I love you all.  Merry Christmas, may your blessing be many.

Carole

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Week 12- I am a Lion

I love Scroll III.  Thank goodness for this right now.  Life is really challenging me right now.  The end of the past week was extremely busy.  My reading were tough to keep on track, yet I did my best.  Going into this weekend I had been doing great on my negative diet and then it came to a screeching end.

As we change I feel the the environment changes but the people in it are refusing.  My one son certainly has convinced me of that.  I have never been so angry and I am still carrying some of it now.  Trying to shake it off but it is hard.  All of this happened going into the webinar.  Thank goodness for that.  I had to refocus myself.  The 50 minutes looking at my self was tough but made it through.  I decide to put this on my card to do it 15 minutes a day.  REALLY Shaking things up.  I am roaring like a lion.  No stopping me now.  As I make this shift, more blow ups, crazy stuff at work,and I feel exhausted.   PROGRESS IS ON ITS WAY!!!!! NO GOING BACK DOWN NOW. MY FOOT IS ON THE GAS!!!!

Loving the cards saying them with enthausisum!!!!! Thank you for this class and all the wonderful people that support me.

I can do it!!!!  HEAR ME ROAR!!!!

 

Savoring the journey.

Carole

Week 11-Shhh!!!

So week 11 is here and the webinar did not disappoint.  All the things we have been doing has simplified in my mind.  I have been doing my best to keep up with all the tasks but this week is dig in week.  Last week was a little hard and so far this week is not as challenging.  I have been dealing with an inner ear issue, which is giving me vertigo from time to time.  The focus assignment I MK was almost impossible but I did my best.  At some sits I just imagined my future self.

I went to the acupuncturist for assistance with this and told him I was doing this class.  I was kind of kidding and said, Maybe I’m having a mind detox and that is what is causing some of this.  No more negative days like I use to and being able to let go of people and love them.  He said that was not only possible but it probably has something to do with this.  It started when I let go of the negative events and people.  WOW!!!!  Since acupuncture is Chinese medicine(dealing with energy) it made total sense to him. It blocks channels when we hold on to negative.

Loving Og this month.  Thanks to Mark explaining persistence.  I know I can do this. One of my favorite lines so far is,”I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course through my veins.”and “I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep.  The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.” I will love those people but will not follow anymore.  They do not know what I know.   I plan to be a beacon for people in my business.  I already imagine myself in front of people rather then in a seat watching. This IS my future and I can’t wait.

So as we move through this week.  I am telling my brain to Shhh!!! it’s ok to relax now.  Hoping the vertigo will make its exit.strong

Until next week, savor the journey you are on. Love you all.

Week 10- How far we have come.

So here we sit at week 10.  Was very strange not having the webinar on Sunday.  I have mixed feelings.  I welcomed the break but missed it none the less.  It’s been a week of blessings.  The holiday messed me up a little bit on the readings but I managed to get most of them in everyday.  I did something I never thought I would do.  I reached out to my brother on his birthday.  We haven’t communicated for 3 years due to a bad situation.  No details necessary.  I have been reading in GS to” love all manners of man for each has qualities to be admired even though they be hidden.” I knew this has been the hardest thing to let go.  So I texted him. I didn’t even want a response.  I got one.  WOW!!!!!  I still do not want a relationship but I love him and wish him a happy life.

Since then, the world has been falling into place.  I still have issues to deal with of course.  It’s the way I am dealing with things this week that has changed.  Being a parent, it is a hard thing to let go and stop controlling everything.  I have begun to do this with my older boys.  There is much more peace in the house.  The stress was making me sick and it was enough. So now when I have the urge to say something, I tell myself shut up.  Let it be, and go to a happy place or affirmation in my head.

A fun point in the last week was my daughter is making a list of what she wants to do with her life( she is 17 and a senior in HS).  She told me that she wants to be the first holistic marine biologist to find a cure for cancer from the ocean. What a task.  The crazy thing is I know she can do it. This class is reaching out to others in my life just by my actions.  How cool is that.

I read week 10 in MK.  Boy this is a tough week.  Let you know how I do later.  The visualization was interesting.  I didn’t get it right but tried. Hope to get a handle on that by weeks end.

So until next week. Savor the journey.

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Week 9-Reaching the tipping point

Wow what a week it has been.  I was so grateful I was able to connect 2 1/2 days straight in the mental diet.  The rest we all I can say is I did my best to stay on.

Last nights webinar was definitely an eye opener for me.  Connecting all that we have been doing these last 8 weeks make so much more sense to me.  I was glad I got my question answered with suggestions.  My boys are really pushing me to my limit.  I wish my mic was working.  My subby changing and their patterns are not working any more.  I have had volcano like explosions of anger and rage.  It was almost scary.  I have never felt like this before.  I mean I get mad but this was horrible and at that day’s end I was physically and mentally drained.  I hated the feeling and I don’t want it back.  This happen twice last week.  peace

Davene and Mark really put in prospective. Old subby is dying and is fighting mad, like we all would if we were dying.   The cement is chipping away and falling . As I listen to their comments and suggestions I cried. I’m at the tipping point of my new life.

So today is a beautiful new day.   As I begin to read Og, I first read my carry over sentence from scroll 1 “solemn oath to myself that NOTHING retard my new life’s growth.” AHA!!!!! Subby has been listening and is not happy. She knows her days are numbered.

I greet this day with love in my heart for everyone. My your week be blessed with love, new discoveries, and gratitude.

Savoring the journey.

Love to all.

Week 8-Subby is holding on by a shoestring.

 

Wow, what a week.  We have been doing this now for two months.  The weeks have always had its challenges and I am so glad reading others blogs that I am not in it alone.  I must say for the most part I have been keeping up on the requirements.  The hardest one for me I suppose is still the sit.  People may laugh but I do this  a lot a lunch in my car.  It is probably the only peaceful place for me most days.  So my lunchtime consists of reading requirements and sitting.  Loving  Og reminding me to love everyone.  It’s a hard one but working through it even when I a driving, I have actually been nicer. Hanna has become very interesting to me in week 7 and 8.  I love the visualization and imagination.

The mental diet is by far the hardest thing for me and my Subby.  I have only gotten through one day.  That felt great and then a relapse.  I had a breakdown on Saturday doing the recording.  I was extremely frustrated with doing that.  I saw how everyone was loving it, while I was throwing my mouse across the room.  It got worst from there. Snap at everyone for an hour or so after.  As I sat back and looked at it, I realized my Subby is slowly dying away.  I think the blow up is it trying to hold on for dear life. The negativity I felt was exhausting.  I hate to admit I didn’t read that night I was so exhausted.  The next day I had a whole day of No negative. BAM!!!!

As I sit here writing, today I thought was going to be another Saturday was defused quickly. Had to restart but  The Subby is definitely trying its best to live on. So tomorrow is a new day to start again.  I am determined to get through 7 days sooner than later.

Not giving in. So until next week.  Thanks for being there for me and I will be there for all of you.

Savor the journey.

 

Week 7- No Negative Thoughts. Hmm….

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Ok so we are at week 7.  The new assignment of no negative thoughts.  So Monday morning I get up at 5am. Since I did not have to work I just laid in bed thinking of the to do list of the day.  I turn the TV on (first mistake) just to get the weather forecast. By 5:20am, yes only 20 minutes later, I had to restart twice.  I thought ok that’s going well and was laughing out loud at myself.  Until this class I never really paid attention to how negative we are and the world is.  The news media are mostly negative things about our world or someone’s opinions about the negative things.  It sets us right into a tail spin.

It is about 8:30pm and have reset about 30 times day and yet I sit and laugh at myself.  I suppose it is better than an negative thought or letting my subby  tell me this is never going to work.  I know I can do this.  I am doing my best and that is all I can ask of myself.  It took 52 yrs of life conditioning to get this way.  I need to be patient with myself.  Tomorrow we will begin again.

Proud of getting all my reads in and services.  Some days the services get missed accidently but it happens. I have decided not to beat myself up for it reminding myself this is a process.  I’m doing awesome.

As far as my reading assignments.  Loving MK this week.  I am really connecting for the first time right away.  YEAH ME!!! I will be honest I am not looking forward to Emerson again.  That is like walking through knee deep mud. (ok negative thought) but I will trudge through it again. Hope more sticks in my head. Audio is going to be a challenge also.  Going to watch the how to videos to get that done but I will get it done.

While sitting here my daughter came up to me and told me she made a do it list so she uses her time more wisely.  I guess I am changing more than I realize or at least she is seeing it.

Well until next week, I’m going to savor this journey.

Week 6- Ok I’m stretched to the max.

Here we are in the beginning of week 6.  My sub is out of control.  First I am loving the compass and the vision boards. I purchase a ring from Alex and Ani. It dangles so the movement and adjusting it keeps my mine all day on my bliss.  Still having a hard time with my DMP.  Thanks to my wonderful coach Larry Carr, I still ask him to look over it.  I have decided to change one of my PPN’s since I feel that one just wasn’t working .  It is the right decision after revision my DMP.

Reading  Scroll II is a nice change but hard.  As I am reading it a wave of emotions hit me. First love everything and everybody.  OK REALLY!!!!! There’s that old blueprint.  She really likes reminding me she is still there. How am I going to do this.  Love the person who cuts me off while I’m driving, love the traffic back and forth to work.  The hardest is showing love to people who have hurt me.  As I read Og “How I react to actions of others, With Love”. I have had a major emotional event with my brother and his family several years ago, which has destroyed my family.  We do not speak.  When I read this I thought about this situation immediately.  How am I suppose to love them.  They destroyed my family.  I only feel anger and now have come to the reality that I have to find a way to love something that has deeply hurt.  The other thing that came to mind is loving ourselves.  WOW!!! How many times does anyone think of ourselves, yet we should  say I love you.  The Gal in the Glass is making be cry every night.  I realize I don’t love a lot of things about me.  This has to and will change.

So here we go another week.  Little overwhelmed of the work we have been given.   I am determined to keep it up and not get too mad if I miss something.   I do my best everyday and that is all we can ask.  I will do my best the rest of the week.  Look at my ring and remember my bliss.

Until next week.  Savor the journey

WEEK 5: Me have opinions???

I never give opinions.  HaHa!!!! After the webinar, I went downstairs for dinner.  I realized our lives are revolving around opinions.  Last week was a tough one.  As I stated last blog, addictions are embedded deep.  I am always giving an opinion, especially to my boys.  What they are doing, how to not do things, and to get this done?  My bliss is being stolen by my addictions.  Sure we all got them, but knowing that I’m making myself unhappy is frightening.  How did I get here???? Why did I not realize this sooner. I can’t change things that happen but I can certainly change my reaction to them.

Mandino says”I have surrendered my free will to the years of accumulated habits and the past deeds of my life have already marked out a path which threatens to imprison my future.” Light bulb moment,  this is why I have felt I am a rat on a wheel.  It’s my habits that are making me stay on that darn wheel. Not my kids, not my finances, ME!!!!!! My addictions to negative opinions I give out and I get back. The law of attraction is working perfectly, just not the way I want it to work.

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So this morning, I announced to my family that I’m in an opinion free zone. My son laugh and what did he do, give me an opinion.  Yup, I thought, he’s stuck too.

Haanel in the MK states in 5-6 “Again, this mind which pervades our physical body is not only the result of hereditary tendencies, but is the result of home, business and social environment,where countless thousands of impressions, ideas, prejudices and similar thoughts have been received.  Much of this has been received from others, the result of opinions, suggestions or statements; much of it is the result of our own thinking but nearly all of it has been accepted with little or no examination or consideration.”

So as I go into this new week,  I have a lot of adjustments to make. I will do my best.

I always keep my promise.

Until next week.

Savor the journey.

Week 4- This is my brain &#($%^(%%%

Yup that’s how my brain is feeling about now. This week has definitely been a challenge for me.  The readings are becoming a little easier especially when I read them out loud.  The sitting, well it’s coming along.  I did read in a comment that we don’t have to do it immediately after reading MK.  That’s a relief.  I was trying to do this during lunch break.  This lifted some stress.

The webinar this week blew me away.  I actually was crying.  The word that hit hard was addiction. Unfortunately, this is a tough pill to shallow.  This word is a pretty familiar word in my home as many of my friends know.  It really hit me hard.  I never looked at our emotions as being addicted to the feeling of anger, disappointment, sadness, etc… That we are wiring ourselves to want more of these feelings.  WOW!!!!! That’s when my brain went %&())%$#. Bam!!!! Since the word addiction is such a negative in my mine, this week I now have to redirect the word addiction to become good feelings like, happy, excited, elated calm, and peaceful.

So today the re circuiting  begins.  The cement begins to loosen. I will work on my DMP with more awareness this week of emotion.  I can be what I will to be!!! I can be what I will to be!!

Until next week.

Savoring the journey.